


Think Happy Thoughts

by canardroublard



Series: Fictober 2018 [10]
Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Bickering, Gen, Humour, I would watch an entire show just starring these two, Missing Scene, and murdery thoughts, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 17:33:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16269050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canardroublard/pseuds/canardroublard
Summary: Who knew that kidnapping would be such achorecompared to murdering people? Not Villanelle. Thank goodness she has such a good imagination. Picturing all the ways she could murder the brat is a good way to prevent herself fromactuallymurdering the brat. For now, at least.





	Think Happy Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Fictober 2018 for the prompt "You think this troubles me?"

“You think this troubles me?” Villanelle asks boredly, eyeing Irina as they walk along the tree-lined country road. “Death threats?”

“I think you have to go to sleep at some point,” the girl spits back. “And then I’ll kill you. Suka.” God, she’s such a tiresome little _brat_. How has Konstantin not murdered her already? How has _no one_ murdered her, actually? Not even a little?

“I will tie you up with an extension cord while I sleep.” Villanelle looks at her again, speculative. “You’re not too fat. Maybe could use a couple of belts. We’ll see what’s on hand.”

Irina glares. Villanelle fantasizes about very slowly, very gently using a dessert spoon to scoop her eyeballs out.

“I’m tired.”

“Be quiet or I’ll shoot you in the face.”

“I said I’m _tired!_ Why are we just walking, stupid lady?”

“Because we do not have a _car_ , stupid little girl. So either you walk or I shoot you. In the face.”

But instead, Irina plops down with a huff, knees sprawling as her butt hits the pavement. “So _get_ a car. I’m not walking more.”

Seriously? Who knew kidnapping a kid would be such a fucking _chore_ compared to murdering people? “What part of ‘shoot you in the face’ do you not understand?”

“You won’t. You need me alive, to get my father to come to you.”

“I don’t know, I didn’t plan for you being so annoying. I might update my strategy.”

“Poshla na hui, blyad.”

“Does your father know you have such a filthy mouth?” Villanelle gapes, faux-scandalized.

“Who do you think taught me?” Irina retorts. Huh, that’s a surprise. Villanelle makes a note to ask Konstantin while killing him.

“Whatever. Just shut up, you’re annoying. And don’t worry, I will find a way to kill your father, with or without you.”

There’s a silence. Thank _God._ Villanelle looks along the road. It’s an absurd distance to walk. But she’s not going to tell the brat that she was right.

“How are you going to kill him?” Irina suddenly asks, oddly interested. “Shooting?”

“Maybe.”

“You don’t know? I thought you had plan.”

“I do, but sometimes you need to…adapt.”

“Oh,” Irina says, sounding distinctly disappointed. What a _weird_ kid. “I thought you knew what you’re doing.”

“I do.”

“You are stranded on a country road with little girl, you don’t seem like you know what you’re doing.”

“Well, if you’re such an expert, you tell me how to kill someone.”

Irina makes a thoughtful noise. “Shooting is good. Or maybe stabbing. But not poison. That’s for pussies.”

Villanelle looks at her again, newly appraising. Maybe this kid has some potential, after all. Villanelle still wants to scoop out her eyeballs with a dessert spoon, though.

“Keep thinking. If you come up with a good plan, I’ll buy you ice cream later. Now get up. Start walking.”

Grumbling, Irina rises. Villanelle senses that she’s in for another tantrum soon.

Oh, scooping out her eyeballs will be such _fun_.


End file.
